Grill Season

  Summertime has unofficially arrived, and summertime is a time for showing off your grill.

  Over the last year or so, that trend is heating up.  Rappers, in particular, are going head over heels—over grills.  While a porterhouse prepared over hot coals is great, some may argue that it lacks the luster of the ornamental platinum and gold, diamond-studded dental caps that have taken the hip hop world by storm.

  If there is a single name synonymous with the dental accessory, it’s Paul Wall, the jeweler-turned-rapper who first made a name for himself with the popularity of his handcrafted grills.  Sure, there were a few rappers sporting grills before Paul Wall broke onto the scene—Lil’ Jon and Trick Daddy come to mind—but the enormous swell in popularity can be attributed to Paul Wall’s 2005 smash, “Grillz,” a collaboration with St. Louis rap legend Nelly.

  The idea of tricking out one’s teeth, forged and tempered in Houston, epitomizes the self-indulgent excesses of the bling-bling, hip hop lifestyle.  Grills denote class, cash and panache.  And that ideology has a new generation of rappers and fans alike literally putting their money where their mouth is.

  Oh, it costs money for a smile with that Paul Wall touch.  I recently poked around at grillsbypaulwall.com, where you can have Houston’s grillmaster pimp your smile.  First, you have to go to a local dentist and have him make a mold of your mouth.  Then you can mail the mold to Paul, and he’ll start working on that grill for you.  It’ll set you back a pretty penny, with per-tooth prices starting at $65 for the open-faced “Pop Trunk” model in 14k gold.  But that’s the low-end.  You could, conceivably, drop $20,000 for the top and bottom sets combined—and that’s before that precious platinum enters the picture.  To put that into perspective, I paid about the same price for four years of education at the University of New Mexico, including tuition, books, and housing.  The controversial pacifier donated to Brad and Angelina’s baby by itsmybinky.com, made of 14k white gold and encrusted in white diamonds, is valued at $17,000.

  But, should you decide to forgo that BA for a shiny grill, where are you going to show off your most valuable possession?  Clubs are too dark, and your character and common sense may be called into question if you were to rock it at the family reunion.  May I recommend seemygrill.com?  At seemygrill.com, you can create a profile, post a picture, and invite site-goers to judge your grill on a scale of 1 to 10.  Sure, it’s not gonna put any of that money back into the bank, but the compliments you’ll receive will make you feel all warm and giddy.  And isn’t that what you’re really looking for?

  If you’re not into the long-term commitment of actually owning a grill, check out www.decodent.us, where you can find out about temporary grills.  They’re more like having your teeth Bedazzled by one of those late-night infomercial machines. A dentist attaches the bling to your teeth, where it stays for up to two years, or until you have it removed.  It’s a lot cheaper, and is better than gluing costume jewelry to your teeth with Bondo.

  There’s no denying it: Grills Are Ghetto-lustrious!

-From Pulse
   June 8, 2006