Egg-Vertising

  I must confess: when I first heard about CBS’ new plan to market their upcoming fall season late last week, I was appalled.  I thought, “Is no surface off limits?  Is nothing sacred?  We already plaster advertisements over every square inch of Major League sports venues, from the urinals to the seatbacks, and then sell the naming rights to the stadium itself. What’s next?”

  As the fall season approaches, CBS has secured a deal with an upstart company out of Boulder, CO, that will enable their wide-eyed logo to greet you first thing every morning.  The new company is called EggFusion, which uses a laser to etch “micro-thin grooves” into the egg’s shell, and it will begin printing ads for the network’s fall lineup on eggs, coming soon to a grocer near you.

  The messages are as cheesy as the medium is innovative, with ads for their Monday night comedy lineup reading “Leave the Yolks to Us,” “Funny Side Up,” and “Shelling Out Laughs.”  Ads for “The Amazing Race” read “Scramble To Win On CBS.”  So someday, and that day may be nearer than you think, you may turn to your waiter and say, “Excuse me, uh, sir. I just found a bad joke in my soufflé.”

  As I began looking into this new company, this EggFusion, it slowly started to make sense.  Also printed on each egg will be a traceable batch number that lets you know where the egg came from and when it was processed, as well as an expiration date.  (Apparently there are certain health risks associated with eating eggs beyond their expiration date.  That’s one lesson that bachelorhood never taught me.)  The revenue generated from pimping out egg-space will defray the cost of printing this useful information on the eggs.

  As far as ad campaigns go, CBS may be onto something.  EggFusion puts the message into the hands of their target demographic—most egg buyers are middle-class mothers, aged 22-54—early in the morning, while they’re planning their day.  It won’t be long before other advertisers realize that eggs are typically used in the kitchen, which, as EggFusion is quick to point out, “doubles as the central hub for families.  This is where shopping lists are formed, cookies are baked, daily planning occurs and many decisions are made.”

  I should also point out that a percentage of egg-space will also be devoted to charitable organizations.  I’ve seen sample eggs that plug Habitat For Humanity, for example.

  To egg-splore this egg-citing new world of “Egg-vertising”—their term, not mine—check out www.eggfusion.com.  You may also log-on to www.myfreshegg.com, to learn more about expiration dates and those traceable batch numbers.

 -From Pulse
    July 27, 2006