A Kiss Is Just A Kiss

“Here we are now. Entertain us.”

We are Americans. We demand to be entertained. We are intrigued with new stuff. If it’s a new version of something we like, we’ll try it. It’s just in our nature. We expect to be catered to—our every fancy, our every (new fad) diet, our every medical condition.

On a recent stroll through the candy isle at my favorite one-stop shopping/tire-repair Mecca, I was astounded at one company’s efforts to appeal to everybody. Hershey’s has taken product development to astonishing new heights. It is perplexing.

As recently as ten years ago, Hershey’s Kisses were simple—a pyramidal morsel of chocolate wrapped in silver tin foil with a paper stickin’ out. Today, there are no less than eight varieties of the chocolate confection (not counting the various colors of foil wrapping). You can get the original milk chocolate Kisses, rich dark chocolate Kisses, or milk chocolate Kisses with almonds. You can get ‘em filled with peanut butter or caramel or dulce de leche. At Christmas you can get the mint chocolate Kisses. And now, for a limited time, you can try the “Limited Edition Cherry Cordial” Kisses. Sometimes you can find the Kiss that weighs a pound, and if you go the club-membership, ketchup-by-the-keg, cornmeal-by-the-bushel warehouse, you can get the really big hollow Kiss that weighs about twenty pounds and is filled with the regular variety.

You’ve got to be kidding me. Can we stop already? It’s like Baskin Robbins. We’re exactly one step away from Salmon-flavored Kisses for your favorite feline. (Hey! Get the guys in Product Development on that, stat!)

Oh! And now they’ve raised the curtain on a new Kiss-like candy called Hershey’s Kissables—basically an M&M shaped like a Kiss. According to Hershey’s website, “Hershey’s Kissables…are miniature Hershey’s Kisses Brand Chocolates coated with a colorful candy shell for eat-able, treat-able, here-able, there-able, unpredict-able fun!” How unorigin-able.

Whatever.

Oh! Oh! Oh! And Carb Alternatives Hershey Kisses. Half the sugar carbs, for the carb-counting Atkins-heads. There are not yet sugar-free Kisses, but I’m 100 percent sure that they aren’t far away.

Did I forget about Hugs? Miniature milk chocolate Kisses “hugged” by white chocolate? Hugs, which are still available, were the precursor to this runaway train that the Hershey Kiss Product Development Think Tank has become.

So this is what you need to do: you need to go out there, try all of the different flavors, types, styles, varieties of Hershey’s Kisses, and pick one you like. Get real attached to it. Buy a bag a day. I mean really stock up, because it’ll be discontinued a month from now.

Finally. Finally we have seen the day that we can sit down with our parents and grandparents and reflect on a simpler time. Way back in the day, when Hershey’s Kisses were simple—a pyramidal morsel of chocolate wrapped in silver tin foil with a paper stickin’ out.

-From Pulse
January 12, 2006